Tip of the Iceberg

Yesterday, there were three independent events (or were they?) that reminded me of a valuable insight that I tend to forget – ‘What we see is only a small part of the big picture.’

Spent some time talking, or rather listening to SRB, an 80 year father of a good friend of mine at his place.  SRB can be cantankerous, sardonic, insightful and irreverent at the same time, but always with a spark in his eye. I have known and spent time with him over the past 30 years (wow, it has indeed been that long), but yesterday was probably the one of the few occasions where I got to hear about his life before I got to know him. In our conversation, he walked down memory lane talking about his father, uncle, cousin, grand-father and even his great grand father on one hand and the prevailing society (and changes) over time.

As he wove these stories, I was able to see how the lives of his forefathers had played a BIG role in shaping him. This led me to better understand and appreciate why he behaved the way he often did (both in the positive and negative). Indeed, a simple truth emerged – All too often one tends to focus on the individual as we see them at the present moment, but we often indeed don’t realize the hugely significant role that other people and situations have played in shaping that person.

A few others later, as I heard the farewell speech of Sachin Tendulkar (iconic Indian cricketer), this point was further driven home. Sachin spoke about the immense contribution of so many people from different walks of life who played silent but crucial roles in his success. As Harsha Bhogle (commentator) noted, “there were many unheralded coaches, officials and others in the cricket fraternity who looked after this child prodigy when he was getting started. “

And finally, last evening at Vandana’s place, she pointed to a black and white picture of her extended family. As she spoke about each person in the picture, I was struck by her remark about her uncle – “he died homeless on the streets.” Is it any co-incidence that Vandana founded and has now built arguably India’s finest institution dealing with the mentally challenged and the homeless?

My memory goes back to a dinner conversation about a month ago where the topic veered to how ‘some of us are ‘self-made’.’ The discussion has struck a discordant note with me, but I was did not know why. Today, I see that this concept of being ‘self-made’ might need to be re-examined. Clearly, we are shaped to a large extent by our past. Indeed, individual choice plays an important role, but I have come to appreciate that making inferences solely based on what we see before us is inadequate.

All too often, I have jumped to quickly judging people. I hope that in the future, this insight will let me step back a bit, pause and not be as judgmental.