Does Fear of Criticism Hold You Back ? You Are Certainly Not Alone

 

Does Fear of Criticism Hold You Back?

Over the last year, I’ve been working with a thoughtful, wise, and quietly competent leader—we’ll call her San.

Now, San is the kind of professional we all want on our team:

 Clear-headed

 Mission-driven
 Will-do-whatever-it-takes (without complaining about the Wi-Fi)
 Peers admire her
 Bosses adore her
 Honestly, she could teach a course on how to be "that" person who gets things done and still remembers your birthday.
But every now and then... she’d quietly step back.
No, it was subtler—more like the whisper of a hesitant foot on the brakes.
San avoided situations where there was even the faintest risk of being misunderstood or judged harshly.
But if a situation felt like it might even sniff of criticism?
Her inner compass said: “Abort mission.”
The Invisible Edge
It’s that almost imperceptible boundary where clarity and commitment meet a strange, quiet hesitation.
A place where the fear of being seen the wrong way overrides the desire to do what’s needed—even when it matters most.
The Eight Worldly Concerns—those sneaky opposites that tug at us all:
Isn’t that kind of… most of us?
We avoid giving tough feedback.
We over-edit an email until it's basically Morse code.
(Not speaking from experience. Definitely not. Ahem.)
San’s learning to pause when that whisper shows up—“What if they think badly of me?”—and take a breath.
To stay. To speak. To act with courage and care.
But she’s moving forward. And that’s the real win.

---

What would happen if you met it—with clarity, and maybe a dollop of compassion?
Sanjay
(Still learning. Still curious. Still occasionally ghosting my own WhatsApp messages.

But—(and isn’t there always a “but”?)—in our coaching conversations, something curious kept surfacing.

San would step up to many challenges with calm, grace, and spreadsheets that could move grown adults to tears.

Not from laziness. Not from fear of conflict.

She valued her reputation—deeply. As a principled, ethical, dependable human. (Which, frankly, we need more of.)

That’s what we began to call “the edge.”

It reminded me of something from Buddhist psychology:

• Gain vs. Loss

• Pleasure vs. Pain

• Praise vs. Blame

• Fame vs. Disrepute

San wasn’t chasing applause. But she was sidestepping anything that smelled like blame or disrepute—even if totally undeserved.

And let’s be honest…

The fear of being misunderstood, of being seen as too much or not enough—that fear can quietly hijack even our best intentions.

We stay silent in a meeting.

But here’s the good news: just noticing that “edge” is a game-changer.

She’s not perfect. (Neither am I—I once ducked a Zoom call because I did not feel confident of sharing some bad news. True story.)

So here’s your gentle invitation:

Is there an “edge” in your life that you tend to tiptoe away from?

Here’s a short 3-minute video that explores this idea in a refreshingly thoughtful way. (No motivational shouting, I promise.)

As always Sanjay, I’d love to hear what resonates. Hit reply and share your musings. Or confess to that email you drafted, re-read 12 times, and never sent. (We’ve all been there. I live there.)

Mindfully,