The Shoe Is on the Other Foot - Parents and Adult Children

Might resonate with those of us who find ourselves straddling two worlds, still someone's child, and at the same time, the parent of an adult child. 

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The Shoe Is On The Other Foot - 


“I think we’ve run out of things to talk about,” my daughter announced on the phone.


And then, quite reasonably, “Maybe we should talk once every two days.”


For a moment, it hurt.


She has been away in the US for five years now. First studying, and more recently working. And somewhat to our surprise, we have spoken almost every day. Often because she calls us.


So yes, it was a bit of a shock. There was that little sting of rejection.


And then, a moment later, I started laughing.


Because I had just spent 24 hours with my mother.


And during this time, I had found myself getting irritated with her.


She was often finding things to talk about. Revisiting things we had already talked about. Asking about things of no great consequence. Occasionally circling back to something we had possibly discussed only a few hours earlier.


Why do we need to keep talking about all this, I found myself wondering.


And suddenly, there it was.


Was my daughter perhaps feeling exactly the same way about me?


Maybe. Maybe not.


But I suddenly understood my mother a little better.


It wasn't really about the conversation.


It was about connection.


My mother wasn't searching for another topic. She was searching for another little way of staying connected to her son.


And there I was, doing exactly the same thing with my daughter.


Three generations. Same story.


The child grows up, moves away and gets on with life. And somewhere behind them is a parent trying to think of one more thing to say.


Some of those conversations may be repetitive. Some inconsequential. Some perhaps completely unnecessary.


Because maybe what is being communicated isn't really in the words at all.


It is simply:


I'm here.


Are you still there?


Good.


The shoe, it appears, is firmly on the other foot.


And I am laughing.


Though apparently, from now on, only once every two days.

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