FINDING FAULT IN OTHERS ....A Personal Experience




I can sense the question coming and am irritated…..

After conducting a workshop, when I see my dad, his first question to me is “How many participants?” I typically cringe! I feel judged! A large number = good and a lower number = bad! As simple as that! And this is me…The guy who is trying to get other folks to work on their negative emotions. The question is never about the quality of participants or the discussions. Nor is it ever about how I feel about the workshop, but pretty much only about the numbers!

So, what do I do? I try avoid bringing up the topic although a part of me does indeed wish to discuss this with him. I suppress both my feelings – the dread that comes with the anticipation of the question and the sense of being judged once I respond. Further, I deal with this by telling myself that this is who my father is and not to get upset by his seeming ‘insensitivity.’

And then suddenly, the shoe was on the other foot. Yesterday, two of my fellow trainers politely yet firmly held up a mirror to me. “Sanjay, the first question you ask about our workshops is – how many participants!” You can imagine my shock…..but wait there is more. What brought this home was that barely 3 minutes earlier, I had just asked this same question to another!

So, much for the pot calling the kettle black! A very humbling moment. Many lessons learnt and re-learnt. Some of them being –

  • I got to be careful the next time I ‘label’ someone – maybe I am identifying the ‘attribute’ that is within me.
  • The thoughts/behaviours of those close to you continue to impact your own behaviours even when you are close to being 50!
  • The importance of having fellow travelErs who are comfortable holding up the mirror to you in a non-threatening manner (Thanks a lot Vidhisha…your timely nudge motivated Sarah to mention this as well).



Now, the internal work continues…now that one has recognized this ‘croc,’ got to spend time and energy releasing it…..

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