Death came visiting...

Death came visiting two days ago. This post captures some three reflections related to the visit of this ‘grim reaper.’

1. ‘Be aware of the negative mind:’

The news of my second cousin Girija passing away was posted in the family’s Whatsapp group around 7am (that’s a while separate post about social media).  Got a call from my brother around 10am asking me to join him on a drive to Valingiman (a six hour drive).

     

It is interesting that my first reaction was negative. Honestly, while I have known Girija for years, we were not that close. So, to make a 12 hour trek within 24 hours was not appealing.  But over the next hour as I thought more about it, I found the initial knee jerk reaction fading….’ what the heck, why not just go?’ slowly became the refrain. And I did. So glad I did.

In the workshops and one on one work that I do, I communicate that the intrinsic nature of the adult mind is ‘limiting.’ Here was a classic example. The trick lies in being aware of this nature and then make your mind work for you and not the other way around. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to reflect and make the change.

2. We can indeed make the time:

Death catalyzes and focuses. Suddenly one’s mind is focused and then action  follows. Within hours of the news, I committed to doing only one thing for the next 30 hours. Just be in time for the final rites. How very often we are so caught up in the ‘importance’ of our daily routines that we find ourselves saying ‘ I wish I could…but I don’t have the time.’ Nonsense. I dropped everything and just went. So did so many others from across the country.

As I mused about this on my return, this question kept coming up. Why do I need an external event to catalyze my focus and action? How about doing this without an external catalyst, but rather let my internal goals/aspirations drive similar focused action.

I have two brothers. One in the US and the other barely 15 minutes from my home. I typically spend one full day every year with my brother in the US mostly by ourselves. But, have never done this with my brother here. This trip made this happen.

Yes, indeed, one can always make the time –I just have to prioritize better and give up on excuses.

3. “He was such a wonderful person….”

The messages on the Whatsapp groups kept pouring in. Family members shared experiences about how Girija was a lovely person, so genteel and helpful. I guess it is cathartic at death to speak glowingly about a person. There were moving tributes. I learnt more about Girija in a few minutes after he had moved on, then I knew when he was still around. It made me pause and reflect – does one really have to wait for death before this outpouring of love and appreciation? How can we better celebrate the person when s/he is still around?

This reminded me of my father getting a medal from the President of the country six months after he retired from 30 years in the army. He mused that if he had got it earlier, he could have worn it on his uniform rather than letting it simply lie in a display case…..

What important sentiments are we leaving unsaid? What dreams are we pushing back for another day?....

Check out this song Aaron Neville….

DON’T WAIT UNTIL I’M GONE 

Give me my flowers while I can smell them, 

Hear my stories while I can tell them, 

Sing my praises, so I can hear ’em, 

Give me my medals, so I can wear ’em, 

Don’t wait until the day I’m gone, 

To put me upon a throne, 

Give me my propers while I’m still around, 

Don’t wait till I’m ’neath the ground, 

Let me live my history, 

Please don’t let me be a mystery, 

Let me feel the pat on my back, 

Don’t give it to me and take it right back, 

So if I’m such a jolly good fellow, 

Let me know that I’m now mellow,  

Now is when I need a friend, 

To show me love before the end,  

So don’t wait until I’m gone, 

Listen to my song.