SURRENDER TO THE NOW


I GAVE UP….

I acknowledged that I am tired and sad and don’t want to fight it any more……

For the past few years, I had been holding on to a memory of the past (part reality, part conveniently made up) and resisting what it is now.  The little child in me had first screamed out, then valiantly fought, used every trick up his sleeve, but finally, there was just one choice…..laying all the cards on the table, mourning a loss and just surrendering to the present….to the now…to this moment. And allowing the future to just unfold rather than trying to control it.

It was time to stop trying to fit the proverbial square peg into the round hole.

And in that surrender seems to be a quiet sense of peace…..

As I look back, this process seems to have had three discrete and connected stages:
1.     Full acceptance – Not resist…but as E. Tolle and other wise ones put it…surrender to the now.
2.     Full embodiment of emotion– give oneself the opportunity to truly feel. A tear or two helps. This in turn leads to a release.
3.     Full responsibility – It’s my life. It’s my choice (s) to make. And stop whining by the sidelines.


And so it seems (recognizing that’s it still early days), that in giving up, I might have actually found what I was deeply yearning for – calm.

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