DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK


 Maya* (name changed) is a hard working, dedicated and systematic senior director. Very early on in our coaching journey, it became evident to me that one of key challenges is her tendency to imagine the worst case scenario when she feels that she does not have all the facts. When I pointed this to her, she agreed without hesitation. Kudos to her self-awareness. We now moved to the next tricky part - for her to catch herself when she actually does this in real life.
In one of our coaching sessions, this phrase, strongly resonated with her - "It's real (for me), but not true." In other words, we might sincerely believe something, but we can also be aware that this might not be true.
A rainbow is a classic metaphor for this insight. Does it look real? You bet. But does it truly exist? Nope!!!
So too are many of the 'facts' clouded by emotions that we hold in our heads. For Maya, it often revolves around the what others think of her. I looked within. I noticed that I am often triggered by any statements or actions by others that seem like my being rejected/isolated. What people say/do feels real to me. but upon reflection, more often than not, tend not to be true. 
So, a useful mental tool to keep handy when one is triggered - Real But Not True. 
Check out this 2 minute piece where a monk explains how he dealt with his fear of heights using this principle
https://youtu.be/i-yO5r0X13s
1. What are your 'real but not true' patterns? 
2. How about trying to use compassion to handle your mind the next time you catch yourself?
I hope you find this piece useful. I always welcome and enjoy reading responses. 
Sanjay Chaganti | Emotional Intelligence Coach | www.tillitonse.org

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