Reflections on Question #5

 Reflections on Question #5

Six questions…

 Each morning, I ask myself six questions

 

I have been cultivating this daily practice for a few months now

 

Question #5 is “What am I grasping at?”



The daily reflections on each of the answers have helped immediately and brought a sense of lightness.

 

I felt I could benefit from a deeper dive

 

So, I set aside some time and looked at the pattern of responses over the past few months

 

Most interesting

 

Two themes emerged…

 

First, the desire to be appreciated and validated by others came through persistently. A cherished mentor of mine (David Reene) used to say – ‘We all walk around with an invisible sign around our necks that says – Make me feel relevant, Make me feel wanted.’





This is indeed true for me. I dug it a little more.

 

It went deeper

 

There was a seemingly infinite desire to be appreciated that never seemed to run out. It went beyond appreciation. It was about ‘being liked.’ And it never seems to be enough!!!

 

I had a wonderful childhood, supported by encouraging family members. Plus, I rarely beat myself and in general, approach myself with compassion and appreciation. So, not sure why there is such a deep pervasive need. But it is there alright! 




The second theme was more of a surprise. When I analysed the ‘data’ the number of times I was disturbed by the behaviour of others was significant.

 

Upon further reflection, an insight emerged – I wanted people to behave in a manner that I wanted them to. I wanted some to speak less, others to speak more, some not to complain, not to criticize, not offer solutions immediately etc.

 

Clearly, I had some ways to go to internalize an important truth – expectations are the cause of suffering. To be more precise, expecting the world to be different from the reality is indeed a huge contributor of mental suffering.

 

So, this now begs the question – What do I ‘do’ with these insights?

 

I have learnt that just by acknowledging and bringing them to the fore helps big time. The intensity reduces and this softening helps. One can then start the process of exploring solutions with curiosity, compassion and courage.

 

How? Aha!


When triggered in these manners, I am increasingly:

  • Trying to become aware quickly
  • Exploring what could be the trigger
  • Being compassionate with self
  • Creating a pause before responding
  • Recognising these factors might be in play, letting them wash over me (to be the best of my ability) and then responding adequately.

 A work in progress indeed!


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