Why Criticism Often Wins

Hello There, 

As we navigate our personal and professional journeys, we often encounter moments that challenge our perspectives. I wanted to share a reflective insight sparked by my recent experiences.

My Experience: The Criticism vs. Praise Dynamic

During a recent presentation, I received both praise and criticism. Although I was applauded for my content, a remark about exceeding the time limit said aggressively by a peer stuck with me deeper and longer than it should have. And the feedback was very valid. It was a classic example of how we often emphasize criticism more than praise, a universal challenge among many of us.

This left me contemplating, as certain parts of me were at odds with one another. On one hand, there was a part craving validation from the positive feedback, seeking the comfort of appreciation. On the other hand, another part harped on the critique, striving for perfection and viewing any deviation as a glaring oversight. This internal tug-of-war made me realize the importance of integrating our critical and appreciative selves to find better harmony.

Finding the Balance with Three Key Steps

Here's the approach I have learnt from wisdom of Buddhist Psychology and modern science to balance these internal conflicts:

  1. Awareness: First, I acknowledge both parts of myself—the one that celebrates and the one that critiques. By bringing them into awareness, I reduce their power over me.
  2. Compassion: I practice self-kindness, understanding that this internal struggle is normal. It's about being gentle with each part of ourselves.
  3. Perspective: I try to view feedback comprehensively. Compliments and critiques both play a role in growth, and I aim to keep them in balance.
These practices helped me indeed. 

Listening to this three minutes conversation with author Malcolm Gladwell provided further insight. His discussion on the psychology of feedback was enlightening, as it highlighted the ebb and flow of internal sentiment and external realities.

As we each work through similar experiences, I find sharing such reflections strengthens us collectively. I'd love to hear about your encounters and how you balance the inner dialogues we all have. Let's keep these conversations - drop me a line or comment below. 

Mindfully,

Sanjay Chaganti
Leadership Coach and Mindfulness Trainer

sanjay@tillitonse.org

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