2016 – The Year of the Churn

Seven ‘good’ days into the new year has given me the space and perspective to look back at 2016, reflect and assimilate. I guess the word ‘churn’ best epitomizes the year past. Yup. I felt like I was in a mixer for most of the year – sometimes feeling on top of the world, followed by spells of being pulled down into a vortex….the emotional roller coaster never seemed to stop. 

Skeletons buried for long surfaced and I found myself grappling with self-criticism, indifference and selfishness while still doing what was ‘right’ and ‘expected’ of me. The tools and the language I had learnt from my journeys within and my coaches played an important role in helping me better understand what I was going through and then subsequently emerge in a significantly more positive frame of mind at the end of the year after integrating these experiences.

I guess there were many contributing factors that contributed to the churn. Some of these that I am able to identify include:

Getting off the Treadmill: After 22 years of being employed by PSI, I moved on. PSI has been more than a job and paycheck for me. To a great extent it had defined who I am. Time had come for me to move on from a full time employee. Re-engaging as an ‘Emotional Intelligence’ Coach and forming some deep connections has been  amazingly energizing!

Pausing, Reflecting and Learning Opportunities: Over the year, threw myself whole-heartedly into three formal learning opportunities – A week long immersion into understanding oneself through the characters of the Indian epic Mahabharatha, a year long program to become a ‘transformational coach,’ and a ten day intensive training on non-violent communication. The latter two experiences have been game changers and I suspect will continue playing a large role in shaping who I am. I loved the opportunity to learn new skills that are helping me transform.

Key Learnings about Self: A huge year for self-reflection. In particular, two key learnings have been critical. First, the World of Needs - anything we say or do is to meet a particular need. If we can identify that for ourselves or for others, that indeed makes life a lot easier to understand and navigate. Second, the deep appreciation that each of us has different parts of ourselves – and that each part is almost an eco-system by itself. Very often these ‘parts’ are in conflict with each other and the way towards resolving the conflicts is to give them an adequate voice. Fascinating and deeply transformative!

Deep New Connections and Drift: Made some deep new connections this year with whom I share insightful common experiences and vocabulary. Also realized that at the same time I found myself drifting away and even emotionally shut off from some other significant relationships. Already started addressing this year.

Health and Focus: The second half of the year was consumed to a great extent by the ill-health of Lata, Sanjana and a few other close ones. The protracted and often frustrating recovery process took its toll on me mentally. I have always been happy and effective when I can focus, and the flip side is that multi-tasking drains me. I found the long shadow of playing the care giver challenging and indeed did contribute to the churn. They are all in better health now thankfully!

Work/Passion takes off: Wow, what an amazingly rewarding year in terms of my passion – to help other lead more fun and fulfilling lives. It was immensely gratifying that the one on one coaching sessions and Assessment and Workshops on Emotional Intelligence were accepted by many. Re-engaging with PSI folks in Myanmar, Washington DC , Kenya, Zimbabwe and Eastern Africa was truly special. Just started with teams in india and Pakistan as well. Further, working with new private sector clients and educational institutions in India and Zimbabwe was a major high! And finally, the deep connections with individuals who placed their trust in me for one on one coaching sessions was deeply enriching and joyful.

The time taken to pause at the end of the year was worth its weight in gold. It gave me a focused opportunity to really look within, mourn celebrate and finally look ahead with renewed focus and enthusiasm. Not surprisingly, 2017 has begun amazingly well. Onwards Ho!