Tillitonse - A Transformational Journey Together

HE HAD MY BACK.....AND MY SHIRT "The value you bring is a lot more than what we pay you, Sanjay" said this gentle-man way 2 decades ago as he did my first performance appraisal. "Let me see what I can do to bring you to par." I got a 20% raise that year. The next year was the same. I never asked. He simply worked the system to make it happen. 10 years later, I played a small part of bringing him back to PSI - the work and the people we both loved. He met my parents and my oldest brother in Chennai, my hometown. After he left, I recall my brother turning to my mother and saying "Doesn't he remind you of Chitti (my other brother)?" I had not made the connection until then. Over the past 25 years, this was a special and unique connect. Yes, I had a few other close friends and family. But none who could relate to the work and PSI that was so much a part of my DNA. We worked together, our families spent time with each other across three co...

I lost by focussing on winning...... As I watched two epic sporting encounters yesterday, the focus on having a single winner pained me. Why? It reminded me of how my limited perspective of winning had cost me. Here's what I lost... I lost friends when..... at 8, I declared I was the 'head' of the kids just because my father was the Managing Director of a company (fortunately we made up) I lost connections.... when during inter-school competitions, it wasn't sufficient to win, the hunger to ground the opposition down reared its ugly head. I lost relationships....when I thought I was unique and special and others had to treat me that way I lost love....when I had to win the battle of the egos! Did the focus on winning also help me? Yes, I am sure it did....but for now, let me stay here.....

Last week I participated in a wedding with an unusual sense of belonging! Many of us felt a sense of ownership that was unique and extremely pleasurable. Mind you, my personal involvement was very minimal - the only 'official' role I played was acting as the host for about 15 minutes during the lunch. That's about it!!! So, it got me thinking...W hy was I (and others) feeling this sense of belonging and the resultant joy?  As I sat for lunch....and watched the banana leaf come alive in a few minutes, an insight emerged.... I have know Anandhi and Ravi, the parents of the groom,  for many years. Over the years I had marvelled at this lovely couple's sense of completeness and harmony. I chose these phrases with care. Let me elaborate. First, completeness - I have rarely seen two people so complete as individuals and so 'whole' as a couple. And they just seem to flow together so well....I was witness to one such act of harmony a few years ago when I dr...

HOW CLEARING OUT MY HOME REMINDED ME OF AN IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON….. Waistlines and hairlines change over time… Friends change over time… Moods change….. Passions change… Bosses and colleagues change…. Jobs change… I disliked being alone….but now that seems preferable to small talk…. Probably the biggest lesson I have internalized over the past year from the deep dive into Indo-Tibetan philosophy is the very practical insight – that everything changes…this is indeed the nature of reality! And aiming to hold on to the mirage of permanence is not just futile but cause of significant suffering…. This insight came front up and center last week as we moved out of our home….a home for the past eight years (the longest I have lived in one single house). So, as I watched the feelings of sadness, fear and even anger emerge within me during this move (all under the umbrella guise of ‘stress’), I was grateful that the insig...

OH, HOW WE CLUTTER OUR MINDS.... I was at a cricket game yesterday.... No ordinary game.... It was the playoffs and 'my home' team was playing. It's been a while since I watched a match at a stadium... The build up to the game was frenzied...Cheer leaders, DJs with music blaring, the stadium announcer whipping up the crowd, glitzy advertising banner and most of us dressed in team colours.... Yup, all the ingredients for a MEGA event were in place..... Then the game started.... Within the ground, the 13 players involved were simply playing a game. Not too different from what was probably played a few hundred meters away in the grounds next door....The highly paid players did not seem very different from my image of us as school kids playing the game.... All the jazz and distraction was outside the circle. But within it, just a simple game of cricket. Nothing more...nothing less. And then this insight emerged...It seems all too often we tend to ge...

"HELLO, I AM SINGING AWAY THE BLUES" My 87 year old Aunt Meena taught me an important lesson in restricting negativity…. I am sure you have noticed that as we grow older, a lot of our conversations tend to focus on complaints….about other people, medical conditions, business conditions, and other pin pricks that our daily life is full off. I don’t know about you, but I often find myself avoiding these people. But Aunt Meena has always been an exception. Even at this ripe old age, with her body failing her on multiple fronts, one hardly ever hears her complaining. But what blew my mind is what she does when other start complaining. SHE SINGS Yup, that’s what she has started doing. The phone is her primary means of communication these days. She told me that sometimes people call her …and after enquiring about her for the first few minutes, they often launch into laments about their own lives. She is clear that does not wish to engage her mind with...

Cultivating Genuine Happiness - 5 Lessons Learnt We all want to be happy and minimize suffering. Here are five key lessons I have learnt about sustained happiness based on my formal learnings from the East and the West, personal reflection and engaging deeply with people across three continents as a transformational coach. (The names of the persons have been changed to maintain their privacy). 1. Each of us are whole and are simultaneously moving towards a full expression of wholeness. Maya is a talented, smart and an empathetic senior professional. During a coaching session she spelt out how unappreciated she felt at work and was particularly frustrated that her important role in jumping in to support others was simply not being seen. As we unpeeled the layers of the onion, an important insight emerged - that she too was not adequately acknowledging, let alone appreciating, her own contribution.  All too often, the clouds do indeed cover t...

"A VEGGIE SANDWICH AT BURGER KING?" I was hurt and self esteem was low... ...but in an instance, I felt the warm glow and was hooked!!! I had barely managed to complete a Master's in quantitative economics from Tufts University in Boston. The academic torture that I experienced there made the winters in Boston seem very balmy. I found my way to the Annenberg School for Communication, USC to explore a second masters. My main draw to this institution is what I had read about a certain Everett Rogers. I made an appointment to see him around noon. I walked in and was greeted with a warm smile. "Have you had lunch?". Before I could reply, I found myself almost running behind this man who was at least 30 years my senior. We entered a Burger King and he went on to order two 'veggie' burgers (aka skip the patty and add an extra layer of cheese to the tomatoes and lettuce). And then he turned his big eyes and just focussed on m...

A HIGH VOLTAGE SHOCK THAT BLEW OUR HAIR AWAY..... I felt like I am a 20 watt bulb being exposed to a 2000 watt power source....... The last two days have indeed been something..... An immersion into very practical ways we can lead more fulfilling and happier lives based on Indo Tibetan philosophies and practices. Here is one powerful shock wave we explored - How nothing really exists free from subjective perception..... Or in other words, in our dreams, things seem real but are not true because they are simply mental projections. Similarly, in 'real life' anything/anybody we encounter does not exist separate from our encountering them. So, we if can change our perception, we can alter what we experience. I finally understood REALITY = PERCEPTION. and this was just the start...... You can see why our hair was blown away!

A few weeks ago, I started playing this racket sport after many years. The strokes were rusty and the movements lethargic. We both seemed to be at the same level and the focus was long rallies where we were both focussed on SUPPORTING each other keeping the shuttle in play. But after a few minutes, the coordination improved...and the desire to COMPETE kicked in for me. No longer was I satisfied in  rallying, the focus shifted on WINNING each point. Ah, very soon I was tired.....and so was my partner. For he too had moved into the aggressive mode reflecting my energies. As I paused to catch a breath, the following insights emerged: 1. As long as we were supporting each other, we were able to play longer....but as soon as the spirit of competition kicked in, the camaraderie disappeared and we were both burnt out. I started to think about parallels in relationships between partners or colleagues at work..... 2. There was no doubt that the high of a point bei...