Look how smart I am...I am so critical!




“It’s nice, but…..”

It’s a hard habit to change – but I am trying. For years, starting from the dominant personalities around me and subsequently through high school and then work, the trait of being critical has been deeply entrenched. The measure of my worth seemed to be dependent upon how quickly and how many faults I could find in anything. So, when someone asked – “how was the movie?,” the typical default response (even what I like the movie) is …..”Quite good, but the music was too loud, the popcorn too salty, the fight sequence too long, one too many songs…..” The list goes on.

This trait extended into all aspects of my life. Slowly this became the dominant paradigm. When someone made a presentation at work, the fastest person to criticize (after the obligatory and perfunctory “nice work”) came across as being the most intelligent. When a new idea was presented, the first one to find flaws…..the same. And when someway is being praised, the habit of pulling him/her down has been hard to let go off!

Does this sound familiar?

We often disguise our criticism as being ‘constructive.’ Did anyone ask us? Nope! But here we are, ready to offer our ‘wisdom.’ I am now trying to change and increasingly am finding it hard to be around people who are always critical. I need to watch this. I realize I have to be more patient as I sure need to change a lot more! But still, if you are reading this, do think about this please. As a wise person said "It's better to be kind than right." 

Isn’t being nurturing more effective and certainly more humane. I am not saying that we have molly coddle, but how about leading with compassion first (rather than criticism). Think how you would like to be treated. David Reene, one of my mentors and one of the most effective change makers, always worded his suggestions laced with kindness. This broke the wall that our self-defense puts up and made us receptive.

Yes, changing our words and tone is hard. For some of us who have this ingrained behaviour cultivated over years/decades, yup, this is a struggle initially. But, if we watch ourselves and commit to speaking from compassion, we can make a change. I am trying. 

Made it so far? Awesome! Have you seen the ‘Missing Tile Video?” Worth a quick watch. Click https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qanDVZHliw


  

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