HELP, I AM BEING TORN APART....between what my life SHOULD be versus what it IS......

In response to an article on this blog, a good friend of mine wrote the following insightful and poignant piece about being torn apart by the two wolves fighting inside

S/he highlights the importance of the 'ability of bear reality' and the pressures of peers/society around us. The journey is indeed hard, but as s/he articulates so beautifully, there is indeed no other way out!

Indeed, as beautifully said by Rumi,

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

Read on.......

​An important lesson I have learned so far this 'tough' year has been the realization that there is no "cure" for the demons in our heads, and that any search for one is doomed to fail.  

Instead, what is critically important is developing the strength "to bear reality without judgment".  This was such a simple yet profound observation, articulated to me by both a meditation teacher and a psychologist within a few coincidental days of each other.  And it blew my mind that this ability to bear reality is the common goal of two practices that exist at opposite ends of the spectrum that defines the human condition.

Personal change is inevitable, undoable, and ruthless in its march through time.  Our existential crises (yes, in the plural) happen when we simply fail to keep up with that march, and begin to drift away in the chasm that opens up between reality and our acceptance of it.  

"The ability to bear reality" - on the one hand it sounds so dramatic, so fatalistic, so morbid.  But it isn't really any of those things.  It is what you, Sanjay, in one your writings, called "acceptance".  It is what we spoke about - the beauty and deep truth of The Stockdale Paradox.

This is so hard to practice, and as one becomes increasingly mindful and aware (even if only for a minute each day), it also unfortunately brings into focus the corrosive legacy of our generational and peer conditioning.  We judge ourselves so brutally, and steamroll our emotions so effortlessly, thanks to eyes forced upon us by parents, friends and some people we generally shouldn't give a **** about.  

Speaking just for myself, in recent months I have become so vividly aware of how much I am defined and conditioned by what is "expected", instead simply of what "is", and the fascinating decision tributaries that have flowed from a single expectation.  One cannot undo this "feature" in ourselves, at least not beyond a point.  

What I think matters now is finding a way to look after myself despite it.  It's a slow and rough road, with many a "one step forward and two steps back" kind of days.  And I have opened doors in the process that I wish I had not.  But it is also abundantly clear that it is the only way forward.  And I live for those flashes of clarity - maybe a minute every few days - when life is truly serene.  For now, they are way too short, and way too infrequent.

To be continued....

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