Tillitonse - A Transformational Journey Together

Yesterday I made a quick trip out of town. I stayed over at a friends place. This morning he kindly offered me his shoes, a T shirt and a pair of shorts as we set of a lovely brisk walk enjoying the slight nip in the air. During the walk, the laces of this shoe came undone a couple of times. My friend was profusely apologetic and irritated - "That's the problem with these shoes...the laces are SO BAD." He said this about four times.....and then I gently pointed out the following - that I was so grateful that there was a pair of shoes that fit me well.... that allowed us to go on this walk. Sometimes, maybe all too often, what matters is not what happened, but the stories we tell ourselves (and others) about how we are impacted by what happened. Today, I was grateful that I was able to tell the more constructive story... 

WHERE DOES THE GIVING STOP AND RECEIVING BEGIN? ....As I flew out of Yangon, Myanmar, this question quietly whispered to me as a sense of peace matched the calm skies..... As a coach I give my presence and the wonderful people like Mathew Tiedermann and many others at PACT Myanmar give so much more to me....their openness, courage, dreams, concerns and above all trust!  What a wonderful way to meet my need for meaningful and authentic connection. GRATITUDE!

STEPPING OUT FROM OUR CREATED IMAGES A few years ago, I was pleasantly surprised to see that one of my Yoga teachers was a fellow participant in a 10 day residential program. In the opening session, we were asked to state our motivation for being there. Her response was - "I have noticed that my identity as a teacher was becoming very strong. I wanted to give other aspects of my personality to develop as well. That's why I am here as a learner. " Her response struck a chord. Over the past few months, I have immersed as a coach and trainer and felt a similar sentiment. The risk of one taking oneself too seriously was indeed high! So, starting as a student on a six month course last weekend was a liberating opportunity to shed some of the baggage and embrace a 'beginners mindset.' I have found that this is a huge challenge for the many leaders that I coach. So immersed are they, that is hard for them to be able to "take off this mask." ...

THERE ARE MANY ROADS THAT LEAD TO ROME….MINE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE Last week, as I reviewed the pictures I had taken of Sanjana’s (my daughter) dance performance, this particular one brought an ‘ A-Ha’ moment. The two major epics from India have been close companions and guides for me since my childhood. I have learnt so much from these stories that have shaped me in so many ways. A more recent important influence in my life has been yoga (including meditative practices). One of the narratives I have told myself is…. “I regret that Sanjana has little knowledge of the epics and no interest in yoga.” This regret has led to criticism. But as I paid attention to this picture…a deeper truth dawned upon me….. My desire to see her immersed in both these influences (of mine) were for three reasons: 1)    Because I wanted her to imbibe the wisdom and good practices; 2)    Because I wanted her to do something that I ...

LESSON #3:  GENUINE HAPPINESS = WHAT YOU BRING TO THE WORLD Early this morning on the way to the airport, I espied this familiar resplendent visage on posters around my home. Yes, it was lovely to see the smile of ‘Ramamurthy Mama.’ One of major insights from the five week ‘Cultivating Emotional Balance’ teacher training program that I completed earlier this year was that authentic sustained happiness comes from what we bring to the world rather than what we take from it. It is in cultivating this sense of ‘being’ that we find sustained bliss and flourishing. Ramamurthy Mama epitomized this sense of being. His presence enlivened all those around him and his open laughter and warmth continue to resound two years to the date today from when he moved on. He truly ‘brought’ to the world rather than looking to ‘take.’ I got to know him over five years in Mumbai. I wish I had taken the time to spend more time with him (and his neighbour Bharat...

CHIPPING AWAY AT THE RIGID SENSE OF SELF  The Buddhist ‘Riponche’ spoke softly…. and a sense of calm descended on the fifty of us who had gathered for the five week teacher certification at a monastery in rural Switzerland. He happened to be visiting the monastery and our trainer, Dr. Eve Ekman, requested him to interact with us – to begin this program. He spoke about the ‘view’ “The way we view ourselves and others shapes how both our individual sense of being and how we interact with the world…. The more rigid the sense of individual self, the greater the likelihood for us to experience a divide between us and others.” This got me! Upon reflection, the following emerged….. The strong drive to be someone different, to cultivate skills and communicate a strong sense of identity (unique from others) has indeed served me well. An inner confidence, a successful career, enjoyable work and many other benefits have accrued. But ...

AN UNEXPECTED LESSON ON FLOW…. On July 23, I walked out of a five-week immersion in Bern, Switzerland. It was a teacher training and certification for a program entitled “Cultivating Emotional Balance.’ This program brings together the science of emotions with the traditional practices of contemplative traditions to help us lead lives oriented towards enhancing genuine happiness. The temptation to share key lessons learnt was high. In fact, a few interested people around me nudged me to do so immediately upon my return. This is what I have normally done. But, this time around, things felt different. I felt a deep need to ‘just be’ and let the experience sink in while adopting some daily practices to nurture the key insights that have emerged. This morning I felt ready. And then I looked at the calendar. It was exactly two months ago since my ‘graduation.’ What a wonderful lesson here – Don’t rush the process. Let it flow naturally. Over the ...

How Can I Make Mondays More Like Fridays?  A powerful Insight from a leader (shared with his permission) In a coaching conversation last Friday with Shankar , the Managing Director of PSI-IPL, a social enterprise in India, an interesting observation he made led to an insightful discussion. As with the case in most authentic connects, the conversation focused on the whole person - both the professional and the family man. He noticed that his family, those around him at work and himself included typically feel a bounce/a buoyancy/ a lightness that was more pronounced on Fridays as compared to Mondays.  This was palpable at home as well. He had noticed that his teenager daughter too was more open and willing to engage in deeper discussions on a Friday evening as compared to any other week night. On other weekdays, the conversations were mainly transactional in nature - “Can do this?” “I need X” etc.  As the conversation deepened, he drew the paral...

WHAT A 96 YEAR OLD REMINDED THE HAPPINESS CATALYST At a celebration to mark my father’s 96th birthday, my cousin  Dv Vivek asked him a question – “Your son calls himself the Happiness Catalyst, but what is happiness according to you?” The response came almost immediately – “Being satisfied with you have.” There was a spontaneous burst of applause – I suspect for the wisdom, clarity of thought, brevity in communication and the authenticity of the response….Over all these years, I can’t recall any instance of him complaining about any particular situation. But wait a minute….It’s not as if this man was laid back and content to let the world pass him by. He jumped off planes without a reserve parachute in WWII, was ambitious (youngest General in the Indian Army), learnt to type and use the computer at 70, mastered email at a youthful 80 and started practicing simple yoga asanas when he could not longer walk steadily at 90! So, clearly it was not that he did not wish ...

COME FLY WITH ME…. The concepts of ACCEPTANCE TRUST   COURAGE and   SURRENDER have been alive for me recently. But the roots run deep… • I grew up hearing how my father used to jump off airplanes without a reserve parachute during WWII. • I have struggled with the concept of SURRENDER. My conditioned mind often firmly tries to hold on to ‘control’ of situations and people. This lack of ACCEPTANCE often leads to frustrations not just for me but those close as well. • As a coach , I am constantly amazed and humbled by the TRUST and COURGE that many cross the world place in me. Sometimes, I ask myself – “Will I trust another similarly?” So, when the opportunity presented itself a few days go to face my fears, nurture an old desire and trust another, how could I let it pass? The Result? I found myself smiling all through the 900 seconds that I floated and most of the day. A sense of peace pervaded…Hopefully, the impact lingers longer… FLOW ...

SHARE A SHOWER …..OF APPRECIATION My eyes were closed…I felt both anticipation and some nervous energy….Three people gathered around me….then the deluge started ….For the next 300 seconds, I was showered non stop with appreciation,   it started slowly, but soon the energy was infectious and I felt a very nurturing embrace as three souls pointed specific incidents and actions that they appreciated about me…Suffice to say, this was a special moment that happened in 2016 but still is very much alive for all of us who experienced it. Yesterday, two years later, as I facilitated a workshop for a leadership team in Myanmar (Burma), the opportunity to share this experience with another presented itself. What an absolute joy to pass on what one not just but felt deep in the soul!

I USED TO SCOFF.... Like most of us in India, the only time I heard chanting was on religious occasions, mainly in temples. The 'mumbo jumbo' simply did not make sense. In my logical, western oriented family, we even scoffed and looked down on many who did. But in a quiet corner, my mother would silently go about her daily rituals that included simple chanting..... Over the last few years, I found myself increasingly drawn to the power of chanting. So much so that 3 'mantras' have become a morning ritual. It is simply the vibrations that sing to my soul in a way that is hard to logically describe. And now, science, the recent kid on the block is catching up. The data is showing the benefits of chanting through science based empirical research. Oh damn, I can't continue scoffing any more!!! Thanks to my yoga teacher, friend and mentor  Shantanu Saha  for sharing the article below....... ruining it for me!  https://upliftconnect.com/neuroscien...

A wonderful lesson earlier today of the importance of being authentic to one self...... A VP had asked me to coach one of his team members (Let's call him Sam).  We exchanged emails and Sam was eager to begin coaching. We met twice. However, I walked away feeling that there was not a good match between Sam's needs and my offerings. In some ways, I was not even sure if coaching was even needed at this point. However, this was the first time this VP had approached me and I was slightly concerned that I was a) letting the VP down, and b) there was a part of me that did not want to turn this business opportunity away. After some thought, I decided that being authentic was the best option. So, I sent the VP an honest email including my decision. He requested for a chat. We spoke. He went on to appreciate my honesty and we worked on how best we would discuss this issue with Sam. I thought the conversation was ending, when he said "Do you have a few more minutes?"...

TAPPING INTO THE POWER OF EMOTIONS TO ENERGISE US Three days ago, the world saw a tennis legend breakdown in joy when he spoke after winning a major tournament. One could see that he was trying hard to hold back his emotions, but when he realised the enormity of the achievement - “the fairy tale continues” (in his own words), the Energy in Motion (EMotion) could not be held back any longer and they came flowing out like a river does…. Why is this news? Because we have been  socialised to accept that showing emotions in the public is simply not on. And worse, showing emotions at the work-place is certainly a big NO-NO! But we need to remember, that it is our passion that drives us to peak performance…and what else is passion but a strong emotion. And what the heck is wrong in truly feeling and showing this emotion! Indeed, we can tap into the immense power of emotion to push us ahead. Roger Federer did in this very match. He had lost fourth set and worse he knew he w...

JAI HO!!! This morning I came across a short video by Devdutt Patnaik that caught my attention. Here’s what resonated with me. In Sanskrit there are two words for Victory – ‘Jai’ and ‘Vijay.’ ‘Vijay’ refers to victory when someone else is defeated. But ‘Jai’ is superior – It is when one has victory without any actual defeat. And ‘Jai’ mainly refers to the challenge we have in managing our minds – mainly our destructive emotions. Here there is neither a victor nor one who is defeated! As a coach and trainer on Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence, I am constantly struck with the ocean of insights into mind management that lie at the foundation of ancient traditions, particularly those that emanate in the East. And here is yet another simple goldmine – It is in ‘Jai’ that lies our sustained victory and not the ephemeral ‘Vijay.’ And that’s why ‘Jai’ has found repeat mention in our national anthem, in scriptures, in popular songs (‘Jai Ho’) whereas Vijay...

HOW ABOUT STARTING BACKWARDS THIS YEAR? I decided to begin at the end. Suppose my life was close to being over.....what would I be feeling? And then the more important question came up, "What might I want to be feeling?" and then I was reminded of this piece... Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives.: 1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. "This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it." 2. I wish I h...