Tillitonse - A Transformational Journey Together

The ritual is pretty much the same every Saturday morning. Find a quiet space after chasing off strangers who wish to occupy the few tables, place the breakfast orders for the Upma, Idli, Vadas and medium/strong coffees and extra Sambar and then for the next 45 -60 minutes simply connect. And so it has been for over four years. Am not sure how it began, but the quest for a safe and open space to have meaningful conversations was clearly the early impetus. At first, I had questions that I could finally discuss… but over time, the questions fell away. Something else emerged.   Just a circle of comfort. A haven for the rare mixture of authenticity and vulnerability… A family member asked if we discuss politics and current events (the popular epitome of intelligence).   NEVER! Occasionally, the conversation may include a few minutes about movies etc. But more often than not it is about how best we can manage the monkey that is our mind. This morning session o...

THE MAGNETIC PULL OF AUTHENTICITY I was awash in a sea of familiarity and comfort last evening and yup, it felt good! At the wedding reception of Divya and Shantanu and met so many people whose lives has crossed mine over the last five years at the 136.1 Yoga Studio. Shared many a smile, reconnected and felt wonderful. This morning as I reflected upon the evening, the following thought emerged…… What made so many people from across the spectrum come and rejoice at this event? There were contenders…..the luxurious hotel, the financial well to do and connected hosts, the outstanding food, the quietly elegant music, or even the beautifully manicured bride……but I suspect there was another…. Beside her stood a man who has touched so many. In a city known for its conservatism and for people sticking to their own, this lanky young man from a small town from a very different past of the country India had found his way into the hearts of many.  Very few of us can str...

Over the past few months, the shocks in the system were getting closer and closer and I was unable to cope.... The repeat ill-health of close members of the family and needing to play the role of the care-giver, a physical ailment that kept me from my regular yoga asana class, the pressure of a final exam and finally the mental churn that has been ongoing through the year took its toll! I became increasingly irritable and unable to focus. I needed to get away from it all and take the time required to heal - A four part healing process has started: 1.  Surrounding myself with people who made me feel valued and wanted. A day with my coaching buddies in Mumbai and three days helping and participating in the wedding of my two closest spiritual travellers in an ashram setting provided the ideal elixir. I was able to get the nourishment and self-empathy I needed. 2. Jumping right into something that gives me joy - my work. As I re-start my coaching conversations today an...

When the Joker is Cruel….Oh, boy have I screwed up…. A quick wit, a sarcastic tongue, the ability to make people laugh and dominant personalities who nurtured these traits as I was growing up is a deadly combination. As I watched the video below…..I could not help but take a look within. Yup, I realize that I have indeed been insensitive on so many occasions. Just to get the laugh….Yup, in fact prided myself “its okay to hurt one as long as nine laughed!” But as folks who care have gently told me over the years, “you don’t take it too well when you are ONE, Sanjay.” Yup, this video truly brought it home. Now, to internalise this fully, mourn what I have done and take steps to work on this behaviour!  https://youtu.be/OJwQOBAL9sw

About 18 months ago, against the gentle breeze of Indian Ocean, I met Scott Wallace in Zanzibar! We were together at a meeting of the East and Southern Africa Regions of PSI. Am not sure how it began, but soon we were having a great chat about his life and times with PSI and beyond. It was clear to me that Scott was one of the many wonderful folks at an early stage of his career with PSI who brought a wonderful combination of passion, humility and smarts to the table - a great combo for any organization. It was indeed wonderful to connect with this fine young man. Little did I know that this chat would only be the start..... A few weeks ago, he connected and we had a wonderful conversation. We ended saying that it would be great to remain in touch. And last week, it was awesome to spend time with him and his colleagues in Washington DC over two days on a workshop aimed at pausing, reflecting and reigniting! This was a reminder once again, how one little action taken in far...

"Terra Firma, Gents, this is it..." said Kyle in his grounded way as he walked in......and yup, and in that instant, the awesome camaraderie that has shaped us for over twenty years. was 'alive.' Our paths crossed at the PSI offices in Washington DC in the early 90s when we joined the organization months from each other. We were young, eager, ambitious, passionate about wanting to make the world a better place for the poor and vulnerable (or  simply to make a dent in the universe'), willing to work our butts off doing serious work in hard places....all that without taking ourselves too seriously. Yup, that was indeed the culture we inherited, lived and passed on. Andrew went off to Central African Republic, Kyle to Rwanda and Zambia is where I landed. We continued to meet ever so often and then when I moved to Zimbabwe, I hit pay dirt. These two fine gents were my supervisors...but they were a lot more....we got to know and hang out with our families an...

One of the most profound lessons I recently learnt is to incorporate mourning into my daily life! Sounds strange doesn't it? Well it did for me too! As I looked at the agenda for the first day of the nine day Intensive International Training on Non-Violent Communications (www.cnvc.org), I was struck by the 'Mourning' section at the end of each day. In all the numerous gatherings I have attended across the world, this was indeed a new one! The session was entitled something like "Harvesting- Mourning and Celebrations." So, when we gathered around, each person started talking about what they celebrated for the day. Ah, I quickly figured, this I know..... But then, the lead facilitator Kirsten Kristensen asked us to pause. She said she would like to see that this space was used equally for 'mournings.' And then it started...one person started and another followed....The mourning was about our needs that had not been met during the day. It was reco...

“I can’t connect with you” she said. And then repeated it barely a few hours later! For those of you who know me, I cherish personal connections, so you can imagine my shock! Yet another powerful lesson learnt from the nine day intensive program on Non-Violent Communication that I learnt is how fragile indeed my ego is. The above statement was made by someone I hardly knew. In fact, I must confess that there were many triggers that were pushed when I came across this person even before she made these statements. Then, why the heck was I shocked? Why did it bother me so? The nine-day program helped me ‘stay’ with this feeling, rather than quickly make meaning as the mind tends to do. And little by little, as I went deeper, the inherent needs that were not being met emerged. Yup, the need to be liked by all – even by someone I might not care for too much. Therein lay the deeper lesson learnt – Every thing that we do is driven to meet a need. And once we can actually ...

Imagine the boy in the picture feeding the birds. Look at his expression. Is he giving or actually receiving? This was a wonderful lesson I was reminded of during the intensive none day residential program on Non Violent Communication that I have just emerged from! A few years ago, in the Rikhia Ashram of the Bihar School of Yoga, some of us were gently admonished for fooling around when we were packing a 'goody bag' to be distributed to the impoverished villagers. We were reminded that we are to participate in this exercise with joy and an immense sense of receiving, rather than seeing ourselves as the 'giver.' So, to be reminded of this wonderful insight last week was wonderful. Truly, when we are in the 'flow,' there is no distinction between being the giver or the receiver. We simply just flow!  An in that flow lies our joy - not momentary happiness, but a deep sense of bliss. The few times I have been touched by this sensation have been phenom...

An amazing lesson learnt from the recent intensive training on Non-Violent Communication is that one can indeed balance empathy for ourselves and for others so harmoniously. I am already seeing the benefits in my interactions with people and am looking to this journey continuing. The words we use (self-expression) are built on a foundation of empathy. Gaining increased mastery on self empathy and for others is a fascinating journey that I am on. Immense gratitude flows through me. I find myself singing and even dancing (minus the Vodka), and that is always a good sign! I have learnt. Now to live these practices and then to start sharing! WOW!!! 

The last few years have indeed been a deep dive within - and the last 10 days has been a very important signpost in this journey. Just completed a 10 day residential program on Non-Violent Communication. My head is shaken and my heart certainly stirred. The simple yet powerful practices combined with the deep connection with a few very special people fill me immense joy combined with sadness (of not being with them). But this wonderful combination is indeed beautiful. The sheer authenticity of this vulnerable moment is special. Yep, in the next few days, I hope to unravel this wonderful gift. For now, this Lesson #1 in something that I am indeed staying with.... RUMI - THERE IS A FIELD  Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.

94!!! Man, that sounds old. But then, so does 49!!!  As my father turns 94 today, it gave me an opportunity to dive into the photo cabinet and find this gem. I first tried cropping out the two gents, but then I found that they added so much not just to the picture, but I guess, speaks about our relationship that much more.  I was a little over six when my father retired from the army. And so, while I recall little of the Army life that he, my mother and my older brothers experienced, his 43 year tenure starting from WWII to the early 70s has loomed large for me.  Being on the ship to Burma when the Bomb dropped in Hiroshima, the time as the Military Attache in the High Commission in London, living in the tents in J&K and jumping of airplanes minus a reserve parachute were part of the folklore of a rich life before I came along.  My father was 44 when I was born. So, while I missed a big chunk of his actual army service, I was amazingly fortunate to e...

Devdutt Pattanaik stresses the importance of epics in our lives.....,  Of all the mythological stories which is the one that beautifully brings out the relationship of a mother and a child? Every relationship is unique and one must not grade them as better or worse. For example, with Kaikeyi we see a relationship that is shaped by her ambition for her son, Bharat. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? With Sita, we see a single parent, who ensures her children, Luv and Kush, grow up learning good things about their father, even though he abandoned her. Who is that one mythological woman that has impressed you the most? Child psychologists tell us that we should never compare children as that can have serious issues with their self-worth and self-esteem. And yet, we are obsessed with drawing lists based on comparison. I feel every woman is unique and has something impressive about her. I find Sita remarkable for her ability to make choices and blame no on...

A few weeks ago, I espied this cut-out left behind after an event in a hotel in Daman. Just had to take this picture – for a laugh….but clearly there was more… There are never any co-incidences. The next day was my 21 st wedding anniversary. Over the past few weeks, its been a series of open, emotional and honest conversations. Yup, we needed to initially ride the emotional roller coaster in order to reach a new equilibrium. All too often, we get busy…and life catches up. Like most things in life that are alive, relationships too need constant and proactive attention, nurturing, tweaking and above all compassion and understanding to constantly evolve in a mutually productive way. We had not really spoken openly for a while and boy, was that evident! This roller coaster ride has come to and end and we have moved on to other fun aspects of the amusement park. But, like with most things, the wound is indeed, where the light enter...

He put out his hand as he said "Hello Sir, my name is Amos." And in that moment, I was reminded once again about class-driven most of my life in India is. Amos is the gardener at my host's wonderful home in Harare, Zimbabwe. As I interacted with him, something stirred within me. Some learnings. 1. We were actually introduced to each other. (will say no more) 2. He walked up to me, a little shyly, and then shook my hand. 3. Providing for a uniform for domestic help, regular working hours, vacation time and above all civility in discussions are the norm. Indeed there is so much to learn......

HAVE YOU TRULY FELT SUPPORTED TO PURSUE YOUR DREAMS? Imagine being unconditionally supported to chase what your yearn for!  How would that make your feel? As part of my second and truly transformational coaching certification program, we participated in an exercise where we shared and received unconditional support to follow our bliss.  Appreciation and support is so rare in our lives, that this was a truly moving 12 minutes of unfiltered, unabashed luv and support seeps into oneself. A great tonic for me towards living life more fully and more passionately and helping others do the same! Looking forward to spreading the positivity and alignment I felt....

July was an awesome month for me. Between the 1st and 20th of the month, I scaled peaks in my new found career/passion that were exhilarating! Seven workshops and 10 coaching sessions across three countries experimenting with new approaches and each one of them paying off was intoxicating! Yep, I was on a high....So, when I found myself down in the dumps and feeling void around the 22nd, it was a SHOCK! Was it a coincidence that the low had to follow such a high? I asked myself repeatedly. Then I stopped and just stayed with this feeling... I had to dig deep and shut myself in. So, on July 25th, I got out of the multiple Whatsapp groups/Facebook, avoided stepping out of home and except for going to yoga (asana) class, I spent time journelling and holding the space for this angst. Creating this space provided opportunities for skeletons in the cupboard to be uncovered. Ah yes, deep conversations with my coach my wife and daughter were important milestones in this journey wi...

ARJUN – THE KARNA IN EACH OF US…. There has been a mad man in my life for 33 years. But, actually, he has been the life for so many of us…even if we don’t know about it. Arjun (or AB), is one of the rare individuals who has always been true to himself. Ironically, he is the ‘Karna’ that we all yearn to be – always truthful, ever generous, passionate, loyal and above all utterly unselfish! Indeed, for so many of us, he has been that spark of genuineness that we long for and cherish……IN OURSELVES!!! And that is why we resonate with this strangely quixotic man! On this birthday of his, he is not going to be on FB checking to see who has wished him, so if you share any of the sentiments shared above, give him a call or drop him an email - arjun5667@gmail.com (and of course, don’t expect him to return that gesture!).

A few years ago my colleague and one of my closest friends Andrew and I were walking in the hills just outside Katmandu, Nepal. It was a glorious day and maybe it was the pristine air, magnificent scenery and great company that made me sigh with regret and say "I really miss the hills...there are none near my hometown where I can do this more regularly." I then went on about this for the next few minutes. Andrew listened in his inimitable polite way, that only English schooling can inculcate. Then he gently said "But, you have the beach, Sanjay." Six simple words strung together! But they made me pause. And then realization emerged...this was indeed a classic way of looking at life half full. Plus, it was taking away from the moment as well. So, yesterday as i drove 45 minutes out of town and and spent a lovely evening at an empty and clean beach, I was reminded of this conversation.....A simple yet powerful reminder that there is indeed so much to apprecia...

"WHY ARE YOU GRUMPY?" asked my 13 year old daughter Sanjana as we ate breakfast yesterday. And just by asking, something shifted .... In my learnings as a 'transformation coach,' a key lesson has been the importance of becoming a witness to oneself. I guess this is part of a larger spiritual journey to become a better version of myself. But, as you know, this is often very hard - to observe oneself without being caught up in the drama of life is bloody difficult. So, its impe rative for those in a similar journey to surround one self and create opportunities for others who you trust and are comfortable with to 'call' and 'name' what they are in seeing in you. Hence, Sanjana's question shook me out of my unfocussed state and brought me to 'the moment.' I started answering, nay denying, and then subsequently justifying why I felt a bit grouchy...but then I stopped. The beauty of the moment was simply being aware.... and then the...

Embracing the Shadow Over the past few months, I have increasingly become aware of my dark side. Actually, that's not right....It's not that I become increasing aware...it's just that I am increasingly willing to accept it. This has not been easy. And I have a long way to go.....The old crocodiles continue to lurk just under the surface and lunge ever so suddenly and make me say/act in a manner that fills me me with regrets minutes later....... In my coaching journey, one is learning on how to 'Embrace our shadows.' The article below focusses on the why....if not the how....... https://www.facebook.com/CollectiveEvolutionPage/posts/10154166264068908 As I stay with this process, the old Billy Joel classic comes to mind. "The Stranger" Well we all have a face That we hide away forever And we take them out and show ourselves When everyone has gone Some are satin some are steel Some are silk and some are leather They're the faces of t...

Personal Passion + Social Good = Excellence and Joy! You name it, he’s tried it, nay dived in deep – bridge, badminton, hypnosis, cooking, ballroom dancing, homeopathy and of course photography, are just few of the interests that my brother Sridhar has pursued with great passion over the years. He has boldly explored and honoured different parts of himself without waiting for others to support him. In the last few years, his energies have been drawn towards compositing. While these might seem like disparate interests, it seems that one underlying theme has been the bedrock of many of these passions – to leave the world a better place through community engagement. His active participation in the running of local community association around his home, involvement as a committee member of a club, helping revitalize the Photography Society of Madras, and now partnering with like minded people to motivate and support individuals and organizations to adopt composting practices towa...

Last week found me back to where it all began - The global head office of PSI in Washington DC. While there many reasons to go back, the most impactful was the awesome opportunity to bid adieu to Peter Clancy, the COO. Peter had been with PSI for 26 years! Earlier this year, he called me a day after announcing that he was retiring from PSI. Maybe the only call he ever made to me in my almost 23 year journey with the organization!  "Sanjay, as you know I am moving on in a few months and before I do, I would like to give you a hug." Suffice to say, I was surprised, nay shocked! For those of you who know Peter, I am sure this sounds incredulous!   So to be able to be in DC for his farewell party was an awesome treat. The nostalgic and fun event also brought in many of the ol timers including the legendary founder Phil Harvey. I t was wonderful to see them all. These were the people I really grew up with and imbued the spirit of ...

Batman vs Superman – The Dawn of Awareness… Aren't these pictures cute? When I saw these two ‘funny’ pictures, I first laughed and then then something stirred…and the word AWARENESS came to the forefront. Awareness – sometimes misplaced…sometimes not ever highlighted! Let’s first start with Superman. What is he doing here? He has inadvertently torn of the costume that protects him. In fact Superman’s costume is more than a just a piece of clothing. It epitomizes the magnificence of his mother planet – Krypton. The logo is his family’s emblem. And so in a moment of ‘non-awareness” borne out of cultivated habit of removing his external clothing during a crisis, Superman accidently rips of his legacy which he holds very dear. This made me pause. In so many moments of anger, frustration, alcohol laden instances and other similar negative habits when the internal mirror has been dirty and awareness misplaced, I have done things which have resu...

“Sometimes I need to be reminded about my GREATNESS….” She laughed!!! Well, can’t say I blame her. I probably would have done the same if I heard someone make this statement seemingly out of the blue. Well, so be it. I did in fact say these words two days ago….. Flashback to the summer of 1990. I had just completed for first year of a Master’s in Economics in Boston and had come home to Madras. I had done poorly academically and the morale was low. I was discussing with my mother about suitable job options for an Economics graduate. I had heard that Citibank hired students in the US who were interested in returning to India. I disliked Economics and the thought of working in a bank was stifling. But, the traditional career opportunities for some one with this academic background seemed limited. Maybe it was something in my tone let alone the content, but my eldest brother Sridhar who was passing by, paused. All he said was ‘You seem to have some talent in communications...